#friendship

So moving across an ocean makes old friendships challenging.  In my 20's, everyone was a friend, and it didn't matter how many of us there were, everyone was a bestie!  After getting married, after working in way too many restaurant/bars, and despite my best efforts, after turning 30...I became so much more particular about who I spend my time with.  Investment became my tool rather than quantity.

After moving to Oahu, and even before, I knew that two things would happen - loneliness would hit me, at some point, and "friends" would pop up everywhere asking to come visit.  After agreeing to have guests the first two months (almost back to back), I've learned who my friends are, who my not-so-much-friends-just-using-me-like-a-hotel-maid-cleanup-feed-me-service are, and I've learned more and more how to say no.

My sister in law is really the most wise person I know.  And yet, she's always gracious.  (At least when I come visit.  Who knows.  Maybe I'm a good guest?)  And she is the one person who  I can count on for honesty - such as "perhaps you should take a break from guests?" or "be kind and gracious; it'll get you through anything".  Sometimes I want to yell "YOU CAN'T WASH A DISH?"  And then I remember my sweet sister in laws face...she's saying "kind and gracious...kind and gracious..."

It's been lonely here, and I'll admit I'm not great with female friendships.  I ran with a new girlfriend today (and she paced me perfectly; I loved every mile!) and I may have found a new friend :)  We'll see. I always come through in the end - sometimes it takes some time and the right female.

This is my friend Stacey.  I adore her...and she and I just might make it here together.  She lived across the street and helped us move in to our new apartment...and took me hiking...and introduced me to Lanikai beach, Lanikai juice...and Lanikai Pillbox hike!  (See the Mokes in the background?)

a real runner.

The other day, I set off at 9:00 am in Kailua for a four mile run.  I'm training for my seventh (whoa) half marathon, and this was an "extra" training run but I was feeling all out of sorts. (Running seems to the best thing for that, at least in my world.)  I left the dogs at home as Peanut has been quitting a lot lately, right around mile two.  That's no good for me.

I started jogging to warm up my muscles and thought about how hot the weather was.  No matter how hot it was in Arizona, it NEVER felt like this particular piece of summer has felt on the windward side.  I'm aware that it is summer, thank you, but but rumors promised me rain and easygoing trade winds almost daily...

I got about a mile in and realized sweat was flying off of me like it hasn't in a long, long time.  I felt tired and a bit nauseous, then cursed myself for eating chocolate and drinking stout for dinner the night before.  I knew that poor fueling was my own fault, but man, I was wishing for a big bowl of spaghetti in this particular moment.  Even my morning coffee (standard before anything less than five miles; most foods upset my stomach during short runs) felt like a hundred years away.  I kept thinking about that stout - wondering why it wasn't fueling me more.

And then I realized.  I just finished three miles.  I didn't even think about it.  The last I could remember, I was at a half mile.  I JUST REALIZED I BECAME A REAL RUNNER.  Not the "I'm going to run an ultra" real runner, but the kind that doesn't quit because I'm tired.  I told myself I was going to run four miles and I did...I ran, without thinking, without convincing myself to, OH MY GOSH I GOT LOST IN THINKING WHILE RUNNING!  I've been waiting for this day since the completion of my first half marathon, Phoenix, 2008.

My mind cannot wrap itself around this.  I feel amazing.  I'm a real runner.  The kind that keeps going, no matter what.  I'm joyful.